"How can I know when I'm really in love?" asked Ruby, a client of mine.
"How can I know if what I feel for Jim is really love or just infatuation?
How can I know if this feeling will last?"
Ruby and Jim had been dating for 11 months and were considering
marriage. Ruby, 32, felt "head over heels" in love with Jim, but she had
felt head over heels in love with Adam, as well as with Mark.
"That feeling didn't last with Adam or Mark. How do I know it will last with
Jim? How can you tell when it's the real thing?"
"Ruby," I told her, "the answer to this important question depends upon
which part of you feels 'in love' and which part of Jim you are 'in love'
with."
I explained to Ruby that she can be in love from her ego, or as we call it
in the Inner Bonding process we teach, her wounded self. Or, she can
be in love from her true Self or core Self - her essence, her soul Self. If
she is in love from her wounded self, it will be about external things and
the love will not last. But if she is in love from her soul Self, it will be
about internal things, and it is very likely that the love will see her
through all the challenges that come up in relationships.
"Ruby," I asked her, "What do you love about Jim?"
"I've been thinking about that a lot," she answered. "It's kind of funny
some of the things I love about him. I love his walk and his smell. I love
the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles, and I love his laugh. I love just
being next to him. There is something about his energy - I don't quite
know how to talk about it - that I love being around. I love his touch. I
love his kindness and sensitivity and his deep caring for people. Even
though he would not be considered a handsome man, I love how he
looks. There's something about his mouth and the look in his eyes that
just fills me with love. And I love the passion he has about both his work
and his hobbies I love his playfulness. We laugh a lot together. "
"How is this different than what you loved about Adam or Mark?"
"I think that with both Adam and Mark I was pretty much blown away by
their looks - they were both hunks. Both of them were also very
successful and very social. They took me to nice places and great
vacations. Jim is not as financially successful nor as social, yet I feel
much safer with him. I think that I also feel in love with Adam's power in
the world. He really seemed to have it together and his sense of power
turned me on. But he wasn't always nice to people, and he wasn't
always nice to me."
"So it seems that with Adam and Mark, your wounded self was in love
with their wounded selves - their more superficial qualities of looks,
money and power. But it sounds like with Jim your essence is in love
with his essence. The qualities you say you are in love with are qualities
that won't go away over time, because they are soul qualities. People
can certainly lose their looks and their money, but it is unlikely that Jim
will lose the qualities that you love in him, especially if you frequently
express your appreciation for these qualities."
"So I really am in love with Jim! This really is different than my other
relationships. You know, I think I've finally grown up. The more
superficial qualities just don't seem to be so attractive to me anymore!"
If you want to know how to attract a man without touching him, please follow this link to discover the secret "Language of Desire". With this method, you can get your man focus on you 100% and become sexually and emotionally addicted to you.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com Phone Sessions Available.
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